Friday, October 15, 2010

Am I the only one who is suffering from My Child Must Hate Me disorder?

So the other day I was checking up on my Oldest Daughters Facebook Page.....that's what good Mom's do right?

And yes, this is the same daughter I emotionally scarred in my last post! :(

This is a summary of what I found....

Daughters Status Update: Got home from Camping, FUN...but way behind in my Homework!

Comments that followed.....

Facebook Friend #1: Forget Homework, Go Play the Piano! :)

Facebook Friend #2: You better step up your game and play for the Pillow Concert!

Facebook Friend #3: No, you wanna get ur Homework done first so you get into the habit before High school....

My Daughters Response....and this is when it gets UGLY (For me)

I agree with all of you but I am not my Mother, I can not practice for the pillow concert, do ALL my missing homework and still eat, sleep, go to school and maybe have a life.

I wont lie...I've shed a few tears over this as I've pondered what exactly she meant by it. However.....it doesn't take a Brain Scientist to figure out that I have obviously given her some sort of complex by keeping myself so spread thin.

After I attended Woman's Conference at BYU I knew that I needed to Simplify my life. That I needed to eliminate the fluff that kept me so busy...unfortunately, there were a few things I had already committed myself for that I couldn't get out of.

Now I can admit my flaws...I don't cook, I don't like to clean, and I am definitely not crafty. The one thing I thought I excelled at as a Mom was the fact that I could balance so many things all at once. It breaks my heart to think that the one thing Ive considered myself good at as a Mom.....has actually came back to bite me in the butt!

So now what do I do?

I confronted her about it, and talked with her about how I would never want her to EVER compare herself to me, but somehow I get the feeling that it wasn't enough. I just cant seem to get her to realize that I am the one with the problem, not her. That she is perfect just the way she is and that its me who has the issues. Do I think some of this is stemming for her age...Ofcourse. I mean, I am sure at 11, she is just starting to figure out who she is and who she is not.

I know that...... I need to stop volunteering myself for so many different things...That I need to stop piling more and more on my plate.

What I don't know is how?

I mean....Is it always easier said then done? It just seems to me that at this point.... everyone is just so used to me saying Yes....with a big smile on my face, that I am usually the first person they come to when they need help. How do I stop the cycle that I have created for myself? Especially with the commitments I have already made for the year? Any ideas? I would love to hear them!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Return of the Prodigal Mom....

Okay, okay so I have been MIA lately! I wish I could tell you that no news is good news but sadly in this case, its not! I wont bother you with the boring details of how Cafe Rio swayed me to the dark side, but instead I will express my resentment...especially to my thighs, and start anew.

This past week has been a great week for me, and although I am no Domestic Goddess, I have to admit that after successfully cooking a authentic Italian dessert earlier this week, I do feel somewhat capable. Yes, Capable is the perfect word.....

Capable: having capacity or ability "Capable of winning" "Capable of hard work" and my favorite....... "capable of walking on two feet"

I am Capable, However I am not perfect.

Today was no exception.

Today I feel that I may have failed as a Mom.....and obviously I am feeling pretty lousy.

You see I have always been a peacemaker...the type that always puts a smile their face and looks the other way. My motto has always been Forgive and Forget...especially because it is near impossible for me to hold any type of grudge. Unfortunately, one of my daughters was not built that way, and the sooner I realize that she is not me, the better.

Today she needed me, and instead of backing her up...what did I do? I tell her that she needs to be the better person, that she is being negative and worst of all that if she didn't get out of that car and go into Activity days that I was going to ground her. Yep! I am sure that you are all shocked by my lack of compassion.

Well, as I drove home, with my sobbing daughter in tow, I realized just how off base I was. I mean, who says its better to always be the one to let it go, the follower, the one to put a smile on their face and look the other way, even if their feelings are being hurt. Looking back.....all that attitude got me...was walked all over.

Today I got a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father must feel for us each and everyday as we go through our trials. No matter what I said, there was nothing I could do to make it all better. There was absolutely no way of making the hurt go away. All I could do, and should have done from the start, was listen to her, hold her, love her, and let her cry.

Today I learned a valuable lesson, I learned that I am not always right.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Oops I did it again......

Okay so I will be honest...the last week has not been good!!

In fact if you look into our garbage can you will be disgusted by the site of Empty Cafe Rio containers, McDonald's Wrappers, Panda Express boxes and Del Taco Sauce..........and that's just to name a few!

I can admit when I have failed, so I admit it, I have failed!!!

However, I can also pick myself up from the ground, dust off my fat behind and start anew!! I even have a game plan.....Its called Dieting! That's right, I am starting a new diet, and with a new diet brings a new attitude against eating out! (Mostly because on this diet, its impossible to eat out!!)

Regardless...things are going to get a lot more healthy around here, real fast!!

Speaking of Health.....

This past week has SUCKED! A few months back (okay 5 months to be exact) I took my kids into the dentist. I didn't have dental insurance so when they told me how many cavities they all had, I think I started to cry! I decided to get dental insurance and wondered if I should wait out the 6 month waiting period! Unfortunately, being the lousy Mom I am, I never did sign up for the insurance and to top it off, I didn't get their cavities fixed either!! I know, I know, Mother of the Year!!

So anyways.....I hear about this Half Price Dentist office,that is actually a Dental School. I decide, oh what the heck, if it can save me $600.00, Why not?

So....into the dental Clinic we go!! After verifying that they are actual Dentist doing the work, and that its just the hygienists that are the students, I gave them the okay to go ahead with the dental work. After taking new X-rays and examining their mouths, they break the news to me that they have even more cavities then originally thought! I acted surprised since they had just been into the Pediatric dentist and all!! (They didn't need to know it was 5 months ago)

After assessing the new damage, the bill ended up being as much as it would have cost me if I had just went ahead and had them fixed at the Pediatric dentist!! So at this point I'm feeling even lousier then normal.......thinking Oh my goodness....here we are at some dental Clinic.....where there isn't even a TV on the ceiling for my poor little kiddos to look at!! Oh the Pity I was feeling for them!!

I have however decided that even though sometimes as Mom I suck, sometimes I rock!

Just today my oldest, most dramatic, daughter tried to convince me she was dying. Of course I knew she wasn't dying, but right away I knew it was something, in fact I would have bet that it was Strep! So after I let her know how mad I was going to be if I took her in and it was nothing, off we went to the Doctor! Wouldn't you know, I was right! It was strep......and for a few glorious seconds, when the Dr. told me I was right, I felt like the best Mother ever!!!

There is Hope......

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I would have thought.....

that my new found adventure would definitely be easier in the Summer!
No school, no piano, no dance.....NO WAY....I'm finding it harder then ever to keep my goal of no fast food!! Even though we have ate out WAY more then I would like to admit this past week, I do have lots of good excuses like... "We've been on vacation!", "It was my Birthday!" or "Eclipse (nuff said)"

Even though I have had my weak moments, I think I have been doing pretty dang good! Of course it helps when you spend half the week roughing it in the wilderness! Sure we had our fair share of Bear Lake Shakes, Old Ephraim Pizzas and Chocolate Covered Raspberries, but there were tin foil dinners, Weenie roasts and S'mores too!! (I assume they count as home cooked!)

I am really excited to continue on my quest! Especially because I received the BEST birthday gift ever.....



I am so excited to try these recipe books out!! They look so simple and are exactly what I need!!

(Thanks Alison!!)

So besides the few times I was told I was hated this week....things were looking pretty good!!

That was until I rushed home from the Lake (on my birthday mind you) to get my kids into the Dr. before the weekend started! We roll into the Dr's office straight from the lake, I run in with my 2 kids that needed to be seen, looking like complete scrounges, dirty feet, Mosquito bites , the awful smell of camp fire protruding form our clothes.

It was so embarrassing, I couldn't help repeating myself to everyone we saw......

"I am soooooo sorry!! We just came straight form Bear Lake, we really meant to stop at home and take showers, but ran into awful traffic"

I seriously said this over, and over and over....

To the secretary, to the nurse, to the Doctor, to the Pharmacist tech at the store, to at least 4 or 5 complete strangers!!

It wasn't till my oldest daughter said "Mom, why do you keep telling strangers that we just came from Bear Lake? Do you really think they care Mom, they're STRANGERS!! " that I stopped! lol

Of course she thought I stopped apologizing over and over again because she made such a great point! The real reason however, was that I was so stunned when I got the grand total from the Pharmacist that I thought I was going to kill over right there and then.

Seriously?

$230.00??

For what???

Some measly eye drops , nose spray and glorified children's Benadryl??

I was about ready to pull the old....

Oh crap, I must have forgot my wallet" and run, routine and just go on letting my kids face look like a swollen red mess.....but realized that it probably wouldnt be the best thing to do, considering my quest to be a better Mom and all!!

So I took a deep breathe and quietly sang Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, as I swiped my debit card!

Do you know what I could have bought myself for $230.00???? If this act of sacrafice doesnt show how much I love my kids.....I dont know what does!! lol

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Meal Planning Sucess....

Well sort of!!

When I woke up yesterday, I knew that the first thing I had to was plan the meals for the rest of the week and go grocery shopping while I had a chance. The problem was that once my kids woke up they would want to come with me.

Its not that I cant handle the kids coming, its just that the littlest one is at the horrible tantrum age,and although I can handle ignoring her (throw yourself on the ground in the middle of the store until you get candy) routine, everyone else in the store can't! What is it about a child screaming bloody murder on the ground that makes everyone glare at you in disgust like your some sort of lousy Mom. Of course you have the ladies that empathize with you and give you words of wisdom, and then there are my favorite ones (mostly little old grouchy ladies) that make fun of the kid by pointing at them and calling them a little brat! lol True story!

Regardless...I was out the door and child free! Unfortunately this meant that I didn't have the time to make a meal plan before I left, so I was going to have to wing it.

I loaded my cart full of the groceries I needed to make a few choice meals and headed for home. I felt confident that this week was going to go well with my cupboards filled with all the new groceries.

Sadly....

I still lack one key factor in meal planning...called execution!!

This is what is going to haunt me if I don't get it together. You see, when I left yesterday to see Jacob Eclipse (The best movie ever), I didn't make anything for the hubby and the kids to eat while I was gone. Shocking huh? Don't get me wrong....I had intentions to slow cook some french dip so that they could eat dinner while I was gone but I just simply ran out of time.

Put down your pitchforks....as soon as the movie was over at 7:00 I rushed home quick and once home, I made things right......

Hot Dogs Anyone??? lol

It was quick, it was easy and best of all, it wasn't eating out!!

Tonight will be better! It's 8am and I've already have planned whats for dinner. Of course its Girls night out for me, which means I will be eating Cafe Rio,everyone else however will be enjoying tuna Casserole

Monday, June 28, 2010

Day one.....

and it was an AMAZING day....

You know....One of those days that from the moment you wake up, things just seem to go your way!

Nothing extraordinary happened, but more importantly nothing bad happened either...the kids didn't kill each other....I wasn't driven to the brink of insanity by their bickering, and the house actually got somewhat clean! Yes it was an AMAZING day!
After being really inspired by all of the support and encouragement I received about my quest to be a better Mom so of course I was really excited to get started this morning on this new adventure. First thing...I sat the kids down and told them the news...."Kids, we will no longer be eating out"

Their first response surprised me a bit, when they asked, "Does eating at the Cajilgs Neighbors count as eating out?"

"Well.....I hope not!" was my reply!! I mean....it is homemade....so of course its okay, right?

After we all agreed that pigging out eating at our neighbors was okay....the kids were excited. They even said they wanted to help me do our meal plans.

Of course, there was no time for meal plans right then....I told them we would do it later, and told them that if they wanted to go to the pool the house needed to be within fire code Clean!

Who knew that this tactic would be so successful....the kids were off actually cleaning away doing the task I assigned them! It was such a tender sweet moment, that I may have even had to wipe a tear or two from my eye. It was Heaven.

So after they finished it was off to the pool we went!!

and besides a few....

I'm Hungry, I'm Board and Hungry,Mom,getting food from the snack bar isn't eating out,But.....Moooooooooooom I'm Hungry!!

It was great!!

It wasn't till we were on the way home that it hit me.....

Here it was almost 5:00, I barley had any groceries in the house, I had 4 hungry kids in the car and no plan of attack!!

"Why do I do this to myself" I thought as I drove home...passing our usual fast food fixes. Why didn't I prepare earlier in the day when I was so pumped up and ready to succeed???

I arrived home, looked in my freezer and shook my head in shame as I looked at a jam packed mess!! lol I pulled out some frozen hamburger and decided on making tacos!

Let me just tell you what a proud moment it was when after only 20 minutes my kids were eating a delicious edible, somewhat healthy meal!!

I thought, I can do this!!

I will not fall into temptation.....I will do this!!

Yes...it was an AMAZING day!!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Let me introduce myself.....

Who am I?

I am just an ordinary Mom trying her best to be SUPERMOM but failing miserably.

Now I'm sure all of you who know me personally might feel the urge to comment something on the lines of "You are not a bad mom!" or "What are you talking about, You are SUPER MOM" ,but the cold hard reality is that I am not, and I never will be! Of course we all like to think of ourselves as a good parent....and I know that there are certain aspects of being a parent that I have really mastered,such as sending the kids to bed, keeping them occupied or screaming! Yes, I have definitely mastered screaming!

Now I've actually been feeling like this for a while, but it's just been lately that I have came to the realization that I cant just continue to sit by and watch as my kids grow up kicking, shouting, shoving....(and that's just in Sacrament meeting!) Its time I do something about it, especially because you know what they say...Children are usually a direct reflection of their parents! Yikes!!

So on my Quest to be a better Mom, I've decided it would be best to document everything on here, if not for anything else but sheer entertainment! Of course I'm sure there will be bumps in the road and will be times that I just plain give up, but one thing is sure, I love my kids and I am GOING to get them under control if it's the last thing I do!!

Where do I start?

Of course there's me not being able to control my children, but I failed to mention all of the the zillion other things that make me a LOUSY mom like avoiding housework and cooking!! lol

Lets save Housework avoidance for another day and talk about cooking.....

You see when you stay as busy as I do, it's simply impossible to cook!!

Yeah,yeah...I know this is a crock of crap, but you see....this is what I have been telling myself to make me feel better for the past 12 years!!

Do I know that eating out 5-6 days a week is un-healthy for my Children?

yes!

So first up on my to do list is forgoing eating out.....

Let's just be clear...it's not that I am a bad cook, I just don't know how!! I will be honest, there are only a handful of things I know how to cook and yes Spaghetti is on the top of the list.

So.....this is my plan of attack, except special occasions, we are no longer eating out! I will no longer say what do you want for dinner, referring to where should I stop on the way home tonight??

When I was at one of my friends house eating lunch a few weeks ago I noticed a calendar hanging in her kitchen with what they were going to eat planned out on it! I was so jealous....What a Super MOM!! That's right Becky Childs Betty Crocker...I'm talking about you!!

In order to accomplish this goal I am going to need lots of help, sooooooo I am asking all of you readers (If there are actually any of you out there)to please give me some tips and easy (**Emphasis on EASY) recipes to use!!

Although I don't currently own a Crock Pot I am totally willing to go get one first thing tomorrow!!

No Pain, No Gain...Right??